Suicide No. 2

I didn't have a specific time or place for pondering suicide. Suicidal thinking entered my thoughts on any subject at any time, elbowing its way to front and center. These were mainly in the form of delicious anticipations of the joy of being dead, or mental photos of different kinds of suicide. Wherever I walked or sat or lay, these thoughts would force their way in, not as the consequence of any conscious thoughts of mine. Sometimes I would consciously turn to the problems of suicide and use them as a hideaway from whatever was particularly bothering me at that time.

I bought and read books on suicide. I frequented internet blogs, sites, and other places where I found suicide the central topic. Contrary to the opinion of many would-be suicide preventers, the book by Geo Stone is actually against suicide. No one could read his book and not be impressed by how hard getting a suicide right can be.