June 4th and here we are again. Day after day after day. Not knowing when D-Day will erupt on the scene. Leaving us free to enjoy The Terror. All my actions are efforts to avoid having to face The Terror. But this blog is an attempt to sneak around it and get past its defenses. I don't know whether it will work, but since it's there, I'll try it. I wuz RAISED in the belief that if you get your deepest miseries out in the sunlight, they'll shrivel up and disappear. Has this view gone the way of other freudian mumbo-jumbo? If so, I'm in a fix, indeed.
Back about a year ago, when my caseload started on its download slide and I started thinking about suicide, these suicidal thoughts carried a great soothing power. (No, they've never lost that power; they still have them right now.) I didn't use them to investigate just why they were so satisfying. I just kept elaborating on them. They were there to impede my progress toward understanding The Terror. To keep me in la-la land. As did the alcohol, the pills, the food, the books, whatever.
And this suicide business really calls for a separate post. See you there.
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