More Wasted Time

Most people want to continue their lives and the lives of others to whom they feel attached. From an evolutionary sense that's reasonable. The more you want to live, the harder you'll work to overcome obstacles that inhibit or destroy that particular desire. I don't feel that way, nor have I for many previous years and decades. I see death as a relief from torture. My life is an intense picture of misery. Caused by myself? Not really. Proceeding from my genetics,circumnatal events? Yes, probably.

Death is to be lusted for, anticipated,---------

Hmmmm.

No. This is not the right way to proceed. It's getting to the center too quickly. The Hobgoblins are activated to too great an extent. Let's concentrate on technical details for a while and maybe then return to this topic

When I started thinking seriously about suicide, a year ago or so, I concentrated on the what and the how, rather than the why. My first outlined project was what I learned later was a "bag and band" operation: you put a plastic bag on your head and pull a long elastic strip around your neck. It's tight enough to close around your neck, but you can continue breathing by sticking your finger under the band and letting air in. Since you've taken some kind of sleeping pill, there is an assumption that once you fall asleep, you'll use up the air in the bag and die.
Advantages: cheap, non-violent, easily available materials.

However, when I started to research this operation on the net, it became apparent that bag and band had significant demerits: People asleep would tear off the bag for more air. Only about fifty to sixty percent of bag and band attempts resulted in death. So I turned away from bag and band, though I still considered it later on.

While I would have loved to be able to overdose on nembutal, that seemed out of the question, since I couldn't afford a trip to Mexico. Also, I am not familiar with the toxicity of other drugs - making overdosing in general hard to implement. It's obvious that lay people who are not doctors are not as familiar with fatal dosages of easily obtained drugs. Doctors who are so familiar can die with ease. Look at the researcher in Washington, D.C., who committed suicide with an overdose of Tylenol! I knew Tylenol was bad but not enough to use in a suicide attempt.